Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Rasool: Annual whirlybird tour of floods best EVA!

Following the successful completion of the 2007 Tour LeFlood Premier Rasool gave two thumbs up to the tour, recommending it to all politicians, especially those who love 03.

"Flying over the sea in an airforce chopper, wearing a headset, listening to the military chatter, it makes me feel like a man. By the way, are there any more of those delicious little cucumber sandwiches? "

"Lots of water..." Rasool responded to questions from attending journalists, "it's a flood you know, with lots of water."

“This is a case of déjà vu – an action replay of last year‘s flood damage, only on a bigger scale. Flood management is going to be unsustainable unless we discuss how we are going to change infrastructure, residential and environmental situations in the region,” he said.

When Rasool was asked if he had any messages for the people affected he said, "Fix your shit so we can have a normal tourist season!"

Shado Twala, spokesman for the premier confirmed that the premier himself had personally endorsed the 2007 Tour LeFlood as best organised tour in years.

"We all know that the annual Tour LeFlood is Premier Rasool's favourite event" gushed Twala, "but this year we really got to put on a show! In 2006, 2005 and 2003 we got out there, but this year was just better than ever"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I have been aloft so long....


it's been hard not to get high, erm I mean I've been aloft so long.. ...that I can never properly be described as "down to earth"

Dear Fellow Citizen of Planet Earth...

I have to confess to not really caring about the planet. The resources I need to consume to feed my addiction to and insatiable desire and need for O3 is going to bring humanity down with me. Following is my travel schedule so far for 2007. The high O3 content flights are marked in red. Short intercity flights provide shorter and less intense highs, but I have included them anyway. If you think this list is long? Well the actual journey has been FAR LONGER than this stupid little list.

November
Harare
Cape Town
October
Zimbabwe


Windhoek Namibia
Johannesburg
Paris France
Pretoria
Kgaladi Frontier Park
Uthukela Mun District
Pretoria
September
New York USA
Pretoria
Johannesburg
Cape Town
East London
Pretoria
August
Cape Town
Kinshasha DRC
Pretoria
Lusaka Zambia
Pretoria
Eastern Cape
Kimberley
Pretoria
July
Bouake Cote D'Ivoire
Johannesburg
Cape Town
Johannesburg
Pretoria
Accra Ghana
June
Cape Town
Buffalo City
Heiligendamm

Germany
Cape Town
May
Abuja
Johannesburg
Hanoi
Nigeria

Vietnam
Cape Town
Johannesburg
Cape Town
April
Bhisho
Tshwane
Johannesburg
Paris France
Khartoum & Juba Sudan
Johannesburg
Dar Es Salaam
Sandton
Tanzania
March
Cape Town
Dar Es Salaam Tanzania
Pretoria
Algiers Algeria
Pretoria
Riyadh Saudi Arabia
Pretoria
Accra Ghana
Cotonou Benin
February
Cape Town
Pretoria
Cape Town
January
Addis Ababa
Davos



Ethiopia
Switzerland


So a few words to the wise... Always travel in style... My R408,000,000 Boeing Business Jet is the business. It costs a mere R41,250 per hour to run... These days with the cost of fuel it's a tad more to be honest. On the first trip ever we had to turn around and burn 15 tons of fuel before we could land! So the pilot went flew round and round FOR THREE HOURS while I slept and the planet wept.

Generating sufficient O3 at low altitudes can be difficult. The best results I have obtained have been after telling the security detail in my convoy to "drive like hell and stop for nothing" If you then recline, plug in the ipod and turn the air conditioning on HIGH the scenes outside can seem like a movie on a long flight... replete with blaring sirens and blatant disregard for the law. Blimey, I can't remember when last I stopped at a traffic light!

Your President

T Mbeki

Monday, October 1, 2007

Flying HIGH over the shanty towns - Ms DOH (dr)

African Minesterial Housing and Urban Devlopment since 2005

Lindiwe Nonceba Sisulu, DrMore O3 Exposure, travel and expenses to follow...

Accommodation Costs (Ranked by percentage increase/decrease)


RANK

2004/05

2005/06

2006/07

TOTAL AMOUNT

%







1

Refusal to respond

R 1,503,725.14

R 3,623,994.84

R 2,120,269.70

141.00%







Travel Costs (Ranked by percentage increase/decrease)



RANK

2004/05

2005/06

2006/07

TOTAL AMOUNT

%







1

Refusal to respond

R 6,750,080.86

R 16,441,487.10

R 9,691,406.24

143.60%







Food Costs (Ranked by percentage increase/decrease)



RANK

2004/05

2005/06

2006/07

TOTAL AMOUNT

%







9

Refusal to respond

N/A

R 804,147.62

R 804,147.62

-


e.g. the flight of the minions:

Fly My babies - Fly my babies

Saturday, September 29, 2007

OOO Health - O3 Dr DOH

Dr O3 DeepBreath...
Mantombazana Tshabalala-Msimang, Dr
Dr Garlic / Knoffil / Beetroot / Potato
Dr Vegetable


Waiting to exhale carbon emissions (no doubt fuming with liquor or strong meds)

The Flying Vegetable has been and squeezed lemon juice in the eyes of many around the world. In search for the truth, can O3 cure incompetence? ignorance? liver cirrhosis? ... and madness? ...and stupidity? OOO is my JACKO3 @ altitude African Science?!?

Where is the holy grail - I must sup!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Out Of Office - O3 Climate Change - Footprint


Mbeki leaves SA later this evening to take part in tomorrow's UN climate change meeting in the US

September 23, 2007, 18:30
President Thabo Mbeki leaves for the United Nations later this evening to take part in tomorrow's crucial Heads of State meeting on climate change in New York.

The special session, which was convened by UN secretary-general, Ban Ki Moon, will look at ways of responding to the global challenges of climate change. Mbeki will address the session, which comes on the eve of this weeks' UN General Assembly starting on Tuesday.

South Africa is participating in the General Assembly for the first time as a non-permanent member of the UN Security Council. Mbeki will also participate in the heads of state debate on peace and security in Africa.

Earlier today Mbeki attended a church service of St. Angenas Zion Christian Church in Moria, Limpopo.


Friday, September 14, 2007

O3 Dementia - Predisposing factors

  • Repetitive exposures: Repetitive dives or ascents to altitudes above 18,000 feet within a short period of time (a few hours) also increase the risk of developing altitude O3D.
  • Rate of ascent: The faster the ascent, the greater the risk of developing altitude O3D. An individual exposed to a rapid decompression (high rate of ascent) above 18,000 feet has a greater risk of altitude O3D than being exposed to the same altitude but at a lower rate of ascent.
  • Time at altitude: The longer the duration of the flight to altitudes of 18,000 feet and above, the greater the risk of altitude O3D.
  • Age: There are some reports indicating a higher risk of altitude O3D with increasing age.
  • Rate of Air Consumption: If you tend to consume more air than what may be considered "normal" for high-flyers, you will certainly be more susceptible to O3D if you skirt the no-decompression limits.
NEUROLOGIC Brain
  • Confusion or memory loss
  • Headache
  • Spots in visual field (scotoma), tunnel vision, double vision (diplopia), or blurry vision
  • Unexplained extreme fatigue or behaviour changes
  • Seizures, dizziness, vertigo, nausea, vomiting and unconsciousness may occur, mainly due to labyrinthitis
  • Rambling

    The symptoms of O3jl can be quite varied, though on the whole, an individual may experience the following:

  • Dehydration and loss of appetite
  • Headaches and/or sinus irritation
  • Fatigue
  • Disorientation and/or grogginess
  • Nausea and/or upset stomach
  • Insomnia and/or highly irregular sleep patterns
  • Irritability, irrationality
  • Mild depression

Frequently changing time zone or working long hours or shifts, will cause working at only 60 to 70% of one's potential